don't think, just do

Just doing.. It does make me more happy and productive. I hope my work will be good enough as well :)

morning creativity

The people who know me, know that I'm always trying out new things.

So currently I have a new thing that might actually stick (though I say this about all these things I try out!). Before I start on the school work, I take some time to create something for myself. Usually it is either a mandala, or a page in my personal visual journal. I love the freedom of being able to do everything I want, before moving on to the assignment stuff.

Here are some of the morning pages, that I wanted to share with you. (click to enlarge)

I seek bliss, joy and beauty in everything I do. I love to share, to connect to people and to give bits of love and joy to myself and to the world.

When I connect to these values that are so important to me, I see them come back in almost everything that I do. I see it in a small sketch, a summer picknick, I see it in my dancing. Everything I create, I create from that place. This is what drives me.

What drives you?

Procrastination..

Of course the best way to start writing about procrastination was to put it off for a few weeks, so that’s what I did first ;-). When the procrastinating was done, I wrote quite a long and personal story about the main underlying problem behind my own procrastination, yet this was not the post I wanted to make, so I decided to rewrite that one some time in the future and start writing a new post about procrastination.

Now, what do I really want to write about procrastination?

I’ve been collecting tips and tricks, but I think a person can only comfortably apply one or two of those things at a time, so what I’ll do is choose the pointers that work best for me and give an explanation.

The first and foremost tip for me is to ask the question “Do I really want this?” I believe that when you truly want something, you will make it happen. A big part of choosing something, is choosing everything that comes with it. So for example for me choosing to study illustration at the pace set out for me, involves quite a bit of time to put in. This also means I’ll have less time to meet up with friends, and that I have to find a good way to manage my time so I won’t get in trouble. For me, realizing and accepting that these were also consequences of my choice, helped me to feel more at peace with them and with the choice itself.

I have to say that truly wanting something, is not always an easy task. It usually involves finding the thoughts/ ideas/ beliefs that conflict with what you think you want, and changing them. These conflicting ideas can be stored away somewhere on a dusty shelve in the back of your mind, sometimes even locked inside a closet, and it may take some time and work to figure out what they are. If you’re having a rough time with this, I suggest to find a therapy that suits you. I know someone who can advice you on that if you like.

For example: I noticed that my going to school (or actually going to any form of ‘obligation’) was blocked severely by my belief that going to school was a bad and unhappy experience. School and dread were linked in my mind. For me it took quite some self-reflection and help from a coach to figure out what this problem was, and to start changing this idea.

The next pointer that helpes me a lot is to set clear and achievable goals for yourself daily. I try to look at what I want to do that day in the morning after I wake up, or right before I start working on school. I set my goals by checking my agenda, seeing what needs to be done, and feeling what I would really like to do. You can estimate the amount of time each goal will take, to confirm you’re not making your day too busy. I personally try not to plan for more than 10 hours a day, this includes dance class or meeting up with friends, but this is not a rule of thumb: figure it out for yourself. :)

The last pointer for this post, is to be loving towards yourself. When you ended up procrastinating the entire day, or when you didn’t achieve all your goals, be gentle. Realize that this was just a ‘bad’ day and you’ll wake up tomorrow fresh and rejuvenated. One thing that really helps for me is to look at yourself as if you were another person. What if, for example, a friend of yours told you that they ended up procrastinating the entire day? How would you react? Would you judge them and hate them for failing, or would you be gentle and encourage them to feel good about themselves nonetheless? Try to see yourself as a friend and pick yourself up every now and then.

The balance of letting go

Often people say to just let go, and yes many things are easier when you can leave them be for a while. I’ve noticed that sometimes, giving a certain feeling (and thoughts) a place to rest, while focusing on other things, helps putting it into perspective. Though this also feels slightly off for me, putting something away that wants to be felt and thought about.

With lovesickness especially, I found this balance hard to keep. Usually when the feelings were triggered, I just had to give in to them and let the tears flow for a moment (which is probably best). Yet also I noticed that at some point I was making the sadness, dread and emptiness worse by thinking about it too much, I think that’s a challenge: to experience an emotion, but not make it bigger with your mind.

But letting go can mean something more than an emotion. We humans are conditioned to put matters in a certain perspective, we really like to look at things through a frame, so we can have expectations and through that, exercise some control. We are truly a bunch of control freaks put together when you think of it that way. I had a nice first kiss with someone a few days back, but one of the first things going through my mind afterwards was “What did he mean with that? Was it just a kiss for fun, did he feel butterflies, for how long has he or she felt this?" With these questions came worries: “What if he wants more out of this than me? Should I say something? What will he think?”. All of this was despite that I felt pretty sure that we weren’t being serious at all.

To stop trying to control what happens, and go with the flow would probably be a much nicer way to spend my day. I have experienced that when you are able to (to some extent) remove the frame and really be in this moment, you can take in so much more, enjoy life so much more! Yet exercising a small amount of control seems like not so bad a thing. It’s often wise to avoid certain topics of conversation, or think about the way that you phrase something. It seems that here too, is a balance to be kept.

Now that I write this, I realize again that there’s a difference between thinking ahead (which is useful) and worrying (which only brings you down). So I think it's good self-advice to let go of things that don’t do much for me except bring me down. It takes quite a bit of courage to actually do that, especially for a control freak like me. But deep down I know that it’s right, I just shouldn’t take it too far, where I detach myself from the world. For the past half year I’ve been doing lots of self-reflecting. And though hard at times, I feel that it's working. I feel myself becoming stronger, able to keep my focus for longer, able to keep myself calm, worrying less and less.

At the moment what I'm working on is taking action, for I find it really hard to start working on something after having thought up what to do. While I am figuring out this issue, it grows stronger (usually something has to get worse before it gets better), so right now I’m procrastinating way way, wáy too much. But I do trust that I will resolve much of this in the following few moths (maybe even weeks). Hooray for positivity!

- Marleen.